Modestly Provocative

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Shalit's ideas get currency these days even in magazines usually interested less in modesty than in multiple orgasms. "Modesty keeps us carnal by remystifying our relationships," trills a male columnist in this month's Mirabella. But Shalit is taking a lashing from feminists of all stripes, like conservative writer Katie Roiphe, whom Shalit criticizes in her book. "She overstates and simplifies," says Roiphe, adding of Shalit's pious tone, "I find it strange to be condescended to by a 23-year-old virgin."

Shalit won't confirm the virgin part, saying only that she's "inexperienced." And that's exactly the problem with the book: for every statement that seems knowing, there are three that seem naive or exaggerated. Shalit attacks Prozac and the Pill as antithetical to female nature and argues that sexual harassment is better addressed by courtly standards than by legislation. Say what? She wields Kant and Kierkegaard in defending the past; for modern times, however, her shaky authorities tend to be women's magazines. And though she properly skewers those who ridicule women who say no, her modesty can't handle the complex motivations of those who sometimes say yes.

Shalit longs for all sorts of corseted restraints. She wants policemen to stop her if she smooches in public, and society to "young lady" her, as in, "Young lady, what are you doing?" But do grown women really want to be young ladied? Karen Lehrman, author of The Lipstick Proviso, agrees that women want courting and less coarseness, but not a staid modesty. "I think a better word is elegance," she says, pointing to Lauren Bacall and Grace Kelly in their subtle but steely glory. Now there's something worth returning to.